


A Conversation

by Only_Slightly_Obsessed (A_Stressed_Cupcake)



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Inspired by Fanart, Kinda, Overuse of italics, Subaru gets a hug, Subaru needs a Hug, but you can absolutely read it as platonic, one-sided rivalry to the max, pseudo-hugs, this came out a little shippy ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29883891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Stressed_Cupcake/pseuds/Only_Slightly_Obsessed
Summary: Subaru resets.He has five or six hours to prevent a tragedy.He just really needs to talk to a living person again first.
Relationships: Julius Juukulius | Julius Euclius & Natsuki Subaru
Comments: 14
Kudos: 74





	A Conversation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Turacoverdin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turacoverdin/gifts).



> This is part of a fic exchange with Turacoverdin, based on a drawing I made a while ago.

It felt like too long until his consciousness finally caught up to his body. It found him gasping for air in a makeshift bed, as the first rays of sunlight filtered through the thick fabric of his tent. It was early, maybe five or six in the morning. It had been noon a few minutes before.

Subaru almost cried looking at that soft light. The save point had been updated. Good, great. He had about six hours to make a plan that wouldn’t result in the brutal murder of everyone on their expedition,  _ again _ , and execute it perfectly. Less great.

The atmosphere was stifling. The scent of blood lingered in his nose, making the air inside his little tent feel as heavy as air could get. It was hard to breathe. He choked down the scream of frustration that was climbing up his throat and threw the covers off of himself. If he was going to make a plan, the sooner the better. There was no time to lose, unless he wanted to see that massacre again. 

He crawled out of the tent on his hands and knees. His legs felt too stiff to stand. 

The breeze outside made him want to lie down and rest forever in that air that didn’t smell like blood. No time for that. No time for any of that. 

A plan. 

_ Get over yourself, Subaru. _

_ You’ve seen worse. _

Yes, he had, but it didn’t get better. It didn’t feel any better than before. In fact, as he slowly grew to find his place in a world that wasn’t his, as his life wove itself together with the lives of so many others, it felt worse. It wasn’t an attack on the mansion, it wasn’t the end of the world, but still, it  _ was _ a massacre. A massacre of people he  _ knew _ .

He shivered as he passed by a tent. He allowed himself to peek inside, where a young, black-haired knight slept peacefully.

_ This knight was first. _

He didn’t know his name. He only knew that, if he didn’t do something, that young man had less than six hours to live. Judging by his face, he couldn’t be older than twenty; he hadn’t noticed that detail until the knight’s head had landed at his feet, far away from the rest of his body. When  _ that _ image flashed through his memories again, Subaru retreated. Best to leave the guy alone, for the time being. 

As he paced around, racking his brains for an idea that wouldn’t result in a bigger mess than the one he already had to solve, something went wrong. 

He didn’t know what. It was like a switch had flipped in his mind. Suddenly, the air was heavier than ever, thick with blood; it was in his eyes, in his nose, in his mouth, in his  _ lungs _ , and he couldn’t breathe anymore. He grabbed two fistfuls of his hair, but the thought persisted:  _ I’m going to die. They’re all going to die.  _ An evil thought, like a dark mist, sneaking up on him and slowly, slowly, slowly suffocating him; death was so near to him, nearer than before, he could almost taste it. 

He hadn’t felt so blind since he’d been on the receiving end of Shamac for the first time. He hadn’t felt so breathless since the last time he’d had his throat slit. And he hadn’t felt so alone in a very long time. 

In the dark mist of his memories, he finally spotted something. A light. A gentle red light that flickered through his mind, warm and lively.

He followed it without even thinking.

He was breathing again, at least enough for that sensation of death to fade, by the time he reached the clearing. In its center stood the tall figure of a knight.

Julius had his back to him. His cape was neatly folded on a rock beside him, but the white of his uniform still reflected the spectacle of colourful lights that surrounded him like fireflies. Tiny little spirits, flickering in and out of view all around him, like voices that Subaru couldn’t hear. He stood there for a little too long until he actually  _ did _ hear a voice.

“You’re up early today.” commented Julius, without turning to look at him. He sounded somewhat… distant. Monotonous, even. But it  _ was _ his voice, wasn’t it?

A shiver ran up Subaru’s spine.

It  _ was _ him, right? Not some cruel joke of a dying nightmare? He’d had those before, when his consciousness was beginning to slip; dreams, hallucinations that made no sense to him after he returned. 

And his voice sounded so flat. And he wasn’t facing him. It could be anyone’s face there, and he would never know. He had to check. He had to find a way. But looking him in the eyes might have revealed more than he wanted to say. 

He didn’t know what he was doing until he found himself inches away from Julius’s back. Before he could stop himself, his head was moving on its own, pressing against the space between his shoulders. He could feel the slight movement in Julius’s spine as he flinched in surprise. The coloured lights vanished.

_ This is… ah, hell _ , he thought to himself. The cover was blown. He might as well go all out. Sliding his hands under Julius’s arms, he grabbed two fistfuls of his coat, just under where his ribcage was. He knew, because he could feel his ribs move as he breathed. He  _ breathed. _ That was already an improvement. That was already a clue that it was him. It was a living person there, not an illusion, it couldn’t have been.

When Julius spoke again, he was even more certain.

“What’s this?”

His voice wasn’t monotonous anymore. It was surprised, and amused, and concerned, all at once. 

But Subaru could only answer in his mind.

_ I needed to know you were real. _

“Are you alright?”

He nodded against his back. Lie. 

“That’s a lie. Your hands are shaking.”

He should have known it wouldn’t work. No matter. He’d got what he wanted: he could feel the pulse of veins and muscles and the warmth of skin through the white jacket clenched in his fingers. So why couldn’t he move away?

Julius didn’t insist too much.

“Alright.” he sighed. He made no move to pull away from whatever  _ that _ was. Annoyingly, though, he didn’t stop talking.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

_ I wish. _

“It must have been very frightening, if it got you to run to me of all people.”

_ It was. _

“Do you want to talk about it?”

_ No. _

“No? Alright, then. We can just…”

_ We’re going to die. _

“...stay here, if it will ease your anxiety.”

_ It won’t. I’m supposed to be planning. _

“You’re shaking, Subaru.”

_ Witch cultists. So many of them. _

“You’re not ill, are you?”

_ I don’t know what direction they’re going to come from. The black-haired knight’s head rolls. _

_ I’m walking next to you. You go to help the knights. _

_ One of the cultists stabs me in the back. It severs my spine. I know, because I can’t move. _

“I’m starting to worry.”

_ You step in to help me.  _

“Subaru.”

_ They slit your throat while you’re distracted. _

“What has you so frightened? It’s not like you.”

_ You fall on my back and it drives the knife in. I’m not dead yet. I can hear you gasping for air for a minute. I’m not dead yet. We’re both soaked in blood. I’m not dead yet. Your hand on my shoulder goes cold, and I’m not dead yet. They slash, and stab, and burn, and no one can stop them. I’m not dead yet. I use my arms to pull myself up and the knife moves enough that I bleed out.  _

_ I die. _

“Subaru. I don’t mind staying like this, but you’re hurting me.”

Only at that moment did he feel the skin he’d pinched between his fingers along with the fabric. He let his arms fall at his sides. God, what a mess.

_ If you just hadn’t stepped in the first time, I would have died right there, you bastard. _

His voice was a bit scratchy when he found it in himself to speak up again: “Shut up.”

It was the only thing he could think to say. Julius responded with the usual amount of passive-aggressive poise: “Good morning to you, too. I take it your sleep was less than pleasant.”

“Stop talking to me.”

_ I need to pretend this didn’t happen. _

“As I recall, you’re the one who started this, Subaru.”

“That’s not the version I’m going to tell.” he mumbles. 

A sharp breath moved his head from Julius’s spine and onto his right shoulder blade. He was so clearly trying not to laugh. Bastard.

“It doesn’t matter what version you tell.” he shrugged, “It makes no difference to me. Besides, I sincerely doubt anyone would believe me if I told them you came up to me to ask for a hug.”

“I did  _ not _ ask for a hug!”

“And what do you call this?”

Very good question. If Subaru were a more honest man, he wouldn’t have answered it. If he were more honest still, he would have answered with the truth.

Instead, he settled for half of the truth: "I was running a test."

"And?"

"You failed. If I could sneak up on you, then the enemy can."

Julius shook his head. He still made no attempt to turn around or move away from the pseudo-hug: "I noticed you coming, though."

"You flinched when I touched you."

"I'll admit, I wasn't expecting you to do… that." sighed Julius, "But I trust you enough to turn my back to you and know I won't find a knife in it."

His hands clenched in Julius’s coat again. 

That horrible choice of words was enough to make his arms start shaking again. He hated it.

_ Get a grip, Subaru. _

Julius, curse him, noticed: "What's wrong?"

Subaru, once again, could think of one response and one response only.

"You're all up in my business today, aren't you?" he hissed.

"Maybe, but I'm not the one clinging to your back like a cygnet to its mother." Julius pointed out. The self-satisfaction in his voice was evident. It pissed him off.

"You said it first, Sir Julius. No one will ever believe you."

"That's fine by me." 

It pissed him off. It was seriously infuriating. Nothing he said ever seemed to get under the knight's skin. Nothing except publicly insulting knighthood, but he wasn’t willing to go there again.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I'll know the truth." said Julius, "That's really all that matters here. I don’t need to spread rumours about you; it seems to me like you do that just fine by yourself."

Again, infuriating. Even his insults were poised and somewhat distant. It was slowly driving him insane.

"You're the worst." mumbled Subaru, "It's you, alright."

"Why wouldn’t it be?"

"Shut up! My god, do you ever shut up?" he snapped.

Silence fell. Regret boiled up. He hadn’t meant for that to come out so harsh. Just… the usual level of harsh. He was never kind to Julius, and Julius would probably suspect something if he started acting nice all of a sudden, but he wasn’t that hard on him, either.

"I mean…" he corrected himself, "I don't want to talk right now."

Julius hesitated to answer. Almost as if he was afraid he'd snap at him a second time if he did.

"Alright." he finally said, quieter than usual.

Throughout the whole thing, he hadn’t turned around or even looked back. Subaru was kind of grateful for it. He could still maintain plausible deniability, maybe. If no one walked up to them at that exact moment. He doubted they would; they were pretty far from the camp at that point.

Still, if he'd found Julius, it wasn’t impossible for someone else to do the same. Actually, how had he found Julius?

The memory of the little red light in his mind flooded back to him.

"Hey, Julius?"

"Yes?"

"Can the spirits hear me if I talk to them?"

"Yes, they can. They just can't talk back to you."

"Alright." he sighed, "In that case, thank you, Ia. You're my new best friend."

The clearing lit up with dozens of little coloured fireflies again. One, red and warm to the touch, fluttered around his head happily.

"She was glad to help." smiled Julius. His tone was back to that halfway tone from before, and he could only draw the conclusion that Julius was somewhat entranced while talking to all those spirits. Halfway between worlds, maybe, kinda like him. Only, neither of those worlds was a sea of blood.

"Good. She's been way more useful than you."

Julius just shrugged: “She takes pride in helping.” 

Even calling him useless didn't bother him, apparently. Time to scratch another insult off the list.

"Just one thing, Subaru."

"Mh?"

"Are you ever going to let go of my coat or do you plan on staying there for the rest of the day?"

The rest of the day. 

_ Oh. _

The rest of the day. He had until noon. Five, six hours at most. His stomach dropped.

“Julius.” he said, lowering his voice to little more than a hoarse whisper, “I need you to listen to me. Questions later, or preferably never. Got it?”

He didn’t wait for an answer beyond the curt nod he saw Julius make.

“I have good reason to believe we will be attacked on our way back.” he murmured, “At noon, when we reach the pass north of here. It’s a good place to ambush. I don’t think they’ll let that opportunity slip.”

He had anticipated some questions on Julius’s part. 

“Does this have anything to do with your nightmare?” was not one of them.

Subaru could have punched him: “What?”

_ Dammit, that is not the question you need to ask. _

"I asked if this has anything to do with your nightmare." Julius repeated, patiently. He still hadn’t turned around, for some reason, standing and staring ahead as if Subaru were just another of the many lesser spirits that probably still surrounded them. It was annoying. Julius, he decided, was annoying no matter what. And yet, for some reason, he didn’t regret approaching him the way he had. 

Honestly, he just really needed to feel a heartbeat.

"No." he mumbled, "Why would it? The nightmare was just a nightmare. I'm not a prophet."

"You've been a prophet before." Julius pointed out, "Either way, your observation is worth looking into. That pass is a good place to ambush us, you're not wrong there. I will ensure that our group takes all necessary precautions. Thank you for bringing this up."

"Yeah. You're welcome."

There was no guarantee that  _ precautions  _ would do the trick. He resolved to find a failsafe measure to reset quickly should it all go sideways. He would not watch everyone else go before him next time.

"But seriously, Subaru."

_ Oh no. _

"Would you like to talk about your nightmare? It must have been something awful to get you so frightened."

"No." he answered a little too quickly, "No, I would not. Leave me alone."

"I'm afraid you'll have to take the initiative there." sighed Julius, lightly tapping against the hand that was still fisted in his coat.

Begrudgingly, he did. His hand felt too warm after it had been clutching the fabric against Julius’s warm, active and  _ alive _ chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat lingered in his fingers after he'd let go.

"There. Go free." he said, sarcastically.

Julius, as per usual, brushed off the provocation: "Thank you." he replied, dusting off his pristine white coat that now had two very strange folds at the sides of his stomach. It was weird to see even that slight imperfection in his outfit. He was sure it was driving the knight insane, but none of it was showing in his demeanour, and it was driving  _ Subaru _ insane in turn.

But, before he could throw even a single jab at him about it, they both froze solid at the sound of childlike laughter coming from behind a tree.

Julius audibly sighed. Why, he only found out when a little tail flicked out the side of the tree for a moment. Oh, right. Right.

“Oh, my!” Julius exclaimed, as monotonous as an exclamation could be, “Who goes there?”

“It’s me! I go there!” squeaked a familiar little voice. Mimi hopped over the protruding roots of the tree she’d been hiding behind and ran up to Julius, landing on his back with a single jump: “Me too! Me too!”

_ Oh God, how long has she been there? _

Surprisingly, Julius’s reaction was as mild as it gets: “What are you referring to, Mimi?”

“I want to stay here too.” she declared, closing her arms around the knight’s neck to hold herself up against his shoulders, “Like Subaru!”

Subaru nearly choked. Yep. She had been there at least that long.

_ Dammit. _

He waited for the inevitable provocations and subtle insults that would follow such an embarrassing incident. For the first time since he’d arrived, Julius turned to face him with a mild, amused smile gracing his thin lips. 

“Forgive me, but I don’t know what you mean.” he shrugged.

He looked Subaru in the eyes and his smile tugged up a little more, like he was trying to hold back a laugh.

“I didn’t see anything.” he said.

Maybe he wasn’t the worst, Subaru thought before he could stop himself.

Maybe he liked him, just a little. 

**Author's Note:**

> And then no one died hopefully.
> 
> Iiiii can't seem to link the sketch but it was the hug :,)  
> I kinda dared Turacoverdin to a fic exchange and here we are. My part is done, friend :)  
> (check them out btw they write the most amazing crackfics)  
> Disclaimer: This came out a little shippier than intended but, again, you can read all this however you want :D
> 
> -Rémy


End file.
